Compassionate or Called?

Greetings and salutations to my throngs of anxiously waiting readers (all 8 of you). :) Dinner is finished, the dishes are washed, the boys are bathed, the books and poems are read, the homework is complete, the 2.5 miles are walked, the husband is at Men's Meeting at church, the boys are separated each to his own room, the washing machine is running, the lunches are packed, the clothes are chosen and ready to be ironed, the shoes are off, the recliner is reclining, the feet are propped, the laptop is on my lap, the Lost marathon is softly playing in the background, the DVR is recording Intervention, and I am BLOGGING!

Yesterday's sermon by Jason, Pastor Extraordinaire was PHE-NOMENAL. Probably one of the best 3 I've ever heard IN MY LIFE. Not the best just from him, the best from EVERYONE. Man, he is hearing right from GOD and it is awesome. If it wasn't for anyone else in that packed church, it was for me. I haven't checked iTunes yet, but I am *really hoping* that is is already there waiting for me. I plan on listening and relistening all week as I walk. So Angie...I'm believing that you uploaded or downloaded or whatever you do to make it available and that as soon as I finish this post, it will be there. :)

I am surrounded by some mission minded people. Our church has always supported missions in a big way. We have 4 missionaries who came straight from VRC who are serving in South America now. My dad went with our mission team to Costa Rica a few years ago. My mom and dad both are going with a big team from church this summer. One of my dear friends at school, Jamey is a missionary...she goes on a mission trip every break it seems like. Really. She does. She's just cool like that.

Me - I've never felt the call. Before you roll your eyes and before I set off a tinder box worth of political posting 08, let me clarify. We have always supported missions. We have prayed, sent items (when applicable), given money, pledges, etc. I watch the video presentations at church and cry at all the right places; I sincerely feel for the people. I want them to know about Jesus. I feel terribly ashamed at our apathy and over-indulged culture in America. But I have never felt God leading me to a foreign land.

I have ALWAYS viewed my job as my mission field. Honestly, I have gotten angry with people who overlook such a ready, ripe harvest. I am so blessed to work where I work, with the children I work with. They have beautiful spirits, and sometimes terrible stories. God loves them just as much as he loves the children of the world. He doesn't view them as any less worthy of investment than he does children on a different hemisphere. I believe that sometimes we forget that. In my ponderings as to why people overlook the mission field that surrounds them, I have sometimes felt forgotten as well. I see others who are so passionate about their callings to "go and teach." Maybe that's not the best way to say it - we all know what I do for a living every day. I go and teach. But you know what I mean. I have sometimes wondered, "God, do you not have a calling for me?"

The closest thing I felt to "the calling" occurred in September of 07 at a Women's Conference in Springville. There was a precious lady there, a missionary of all things. :) She has a beautiful testimony - way too long and detailed for me to try and recollect. Long story short, she and her family run a place called Adullum House. The only way I know to explain it is like this: it's a temporary (hopefully) home for babies and children of imprisoned mothers. When a mom goes to prison at Julia Tutwiler, hopefully, her baby or child can go to Adullum House. While there, it gets love, an education, support, and a Christian foundation. Some of the babies are born to moms in prison; some are teenagers when they come. Anyway, this place SO needs helpers all the time. They need people to come and rock the babies. They need teachers to come and help at the school. They need people to play with kids, paint rooms, stock shelves. Sitting there in Springville, I told my mom, "I could TOTALLY go and do mission work somewhere like that."

Fast forward to last night. Actually, back up to 2 weeks ago. We were in New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl. I was awestruck at the dichotomy that existed. On one hand, tourists spending money hand over fist. Lines at Cafe' du Monde that stretched for blocks. Streets jam packed with people as far as the eye could see. Laughing. Spending money. Having a good time. Beautiful architecture. Beautiful music.

Then, I would look on one of those beautiful streets and see a homeless woman sleeping on the steps of one of those beautiful hotels. My boys said, "Mama...what is she doing?" We explained that she was homeless and that she didn't have a place to live. Shawn told them that whenever we see someone like that, we should immediately pray that Jesus would be with them and would bless them. They couldn't fathom it. Even though Keith and Zack were exaclty like her when they were smaller, they thankfully have no recollection of those times. I pray none of them ever experience anything like it again.

Anyway, we would be in the middle of New Orleans, amid all the prosperous happenings, and I would see a homeless person. The Hyatt, the tall, beautiful hotel that is adjacent to the Superdome is STILL closed. As we drove on the overpass that led to the Superdome, Shawn asked Chris, "Where is the bridge that was on CNN and FOX news during Katrina?' Chris replied, "This is it." I flashed back to that news clip, a bridge over troubled water (literally) with military tanks on it. HUNDREDS, maybe THOUSANDS of people standing in lines. A city underwater. It gave me chills knowing what had happened where we were. As we were in the dome at the game, I leaned over to Shawn and said, "Imagine being in here with thousands and thousands of people, with no electricity, no water, no food. " I couldn't imagine it.

Last night I was about to get in the floor for my almost nightly date of folding clothes. I flipped through the channels hoping that something good was going to be on. I saw that the National Geographic Channel was going to be showing a documentary called "Inside New Orleans High School" I put it on. I folded a few towels, matched a few socks. Then they had to sit and wait. I was mesmerized by what I saw.

Wow. To quote Lilly (you probably have to be a teacher to know the literary reference), "that's just about all I could say, WOW." It was based at Cohen HS in inner city New Orleans. AFTER Katrina. It isn't where tourists are going and spending lots of money. It is pitiful. It is heartbreaking. The conditions are inexcusable and unbelievable considering they are in AMERICA. The children are hopeless. They are pretty much destined to a life of poverty and crime...it is literally ALL THEY KNOW. It was so depressing and so devastating. And I couldn't tear myself from the tv. It was almost like the "Adullum house" feeling from Sept. 07, but MUCH stronger. I felt drawn to them. I felt love for them. I felt called to them.

Shawn had to run to the store to pick up a few things, and when he got home I had something to tell him. I said, "Shawn, I'm pretty sure that I'll go to New Orleans and teach kids to read." He has come to know not to question my "feelings" (the last ones included beating Georgia, Jason Allums as Pastor, and adopting Keith and Zack). Pretty much when Mama has a feeling, mama has a feeling. Now sometimes my feelings are off, circa the UA/au game of 2007. :) But more often than not, I'm on.

I'm telling you people...I'm ON. I don't know if it will be permanent or some sort of "mission trip" deal, but I am really feeling called to inner city New Orleans. (if my brother is reading this he probably just swallowed his tongue or fell out of his chair) I don't know when, I don't know how. I just KNOW that I will go. I want to open my front door and scream, "Why aren't people going NOW?" Why aren't their hearts breaking for the conditions these children are raising children in? Why is EVERYONE so quick to label and judge them? Have I been guilty of judging them?

In essence, what I guess I'm trying to say is this: I am very compassionate about the horrible, desperate conditions of inner city New Orleans. I am pretty sure that I am called to do something. I don't know exactly what that is yet, I just know that I'm supposed to do something. I'm not super-talented. I'm not politically correct, I'm not even available right now. I pondered all of this last night as sleep just wouldn't come. Why do I feel so passionate about a cause that I am so far removed from/so helpless to change?

Then it came to me. My a-ha, my epiphany. I am indeed called. I don't have to know HOW. I don't have to know WHY. I don't even have to know WHEN just yet. It all will come. I could see me standing in that housing project that it showed on Nat. Geo that is STILL CLOSED from Katrina. It's grown up, fenced up, messed up. Kids still play there; it is all they know. I could see me standing there with nothing. Empty hands. Nothing to offer. Drastically different than all of the ones that I am longing to *help*. But here's the kicker. I do have a connection. I have experience; not experience like theirs. But previous experience that will help me out. I know what it's like to love something that has been cast aside. I know what it's like to see dirty and broken children *transform* magically. I know what it's like to struggle with academic things that most people take for granted. I know what it's like to see the achievements celebrated of children who did "the best" when they didn't work 1/2 as hard as those sitting watching in the stands. I know what it's like to work with "those kids" that most people don't have the patience or desire to work with. And I LOVE IT.

So...one day...I'm going to New Orleans. I'm going to Cohen H.S. I'm going to the projects that FEMA still hasn't visited...I'm going to where No Child Left Behind is doing the most damage, and you what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna talk to the people. I'm going to love the kids and the teenage mothers. I'm going to teach people to read - children, teenagers, and adults. I don't know when. I don't know how. I just know that I am going...because I've been called.

ps - if you ever get the chance to watch "Inside New Orleans High School" on National Geographic Channel....DO IT!